When I was pregnant with Frankie, I wanted to be as prepared
as possible. So, naturally, I started consuming everything that I could about
how to be a good mommy. I read a couple books, you know the ones – “What to
Expect When You’re Expecting” and such, but for the most part, I fled to
message boards and a slew of online baby sites…all from the convenience of my iPhone.
After Frank was born, I continued to reach for my phone to consult the world
wide web on whether I was feeding him enough or whether I had the temperature
in his nursery right, if he sniffled could he be coming down with some strange
illness!? I realize that all of this is normal, but I got to the point where I
finally had to put the phone down and just stop already! I realized that I
needed to learn from him, not some random website. While there certainly is a
lot of information to be gleaned from such resources, there is no substitute
for human interaction. I began taking my cues from him and we’ve been a better
pair because of it. As questions arose, I found it much more beneficial to meet
with our pediatrician (you know, the real baby experts) and stare in the whites
of her eyes rather than strain my own against some bright LED screen.
And then came my cancer diagnosis. I again jumped online,
with just a swipe of my finger across my phone’s screen, consuming as much as I
could to try to make heads or tails of my pathology reports, prognosis, etc.
The problem though, is that every time I reached for my phone, Frankie did too.
He is already obsessed with finding out what this gadget does and has even
taken a few baby selfies. At first I will admit, it cracked me up. But then I
realized, again, that it was time to put the damn phone down. What exactly was
I teaching him here? I never wanted my phone to become a toy. I really do understand
parents who let their kids play with it, but for me, I was pained by the sudden
awareness of just how much time I was wasting on this silly device rather than
spending time with him. Time that I now know is limited and therefore precious.
Yesterday I had my follow up CT scan to see how the tumors
in my liver are responding to the chemotherapy. For those who don’t know, when
you have a CT scan you are required to drink a sizable container of barium
sulfate which is a contrast solution to help light up your organs, making them
easier to see on the scan. After drinking it, you wait for 45 minutes.
Normally, I would be one to reach for my phone and, as I’ve spent a lot of time
in waiting rooms recently, I can assure you this is the norm for most people.
Yesterday, however, I challenged myself to keep my phone in my purse. And just
like that, I become more approachable to others. I ended up having a very nice
conversation with an elderly couple. You could tell within an instant that they
had a tremendous amount of love and respect for one another. I was especially
impressed with the woman who, despite sharing sad news about her husband of
many years, kept a smile on her face the entire time. She talked about caring for
her husband and how she saw him through his fight with cancer. I held my
husband’s hand a little tighter – my caregiver seeing me through so much
already too. I told him later on the drive home, that I want to be like this
woman. That I want to grow old together and take care of each other and that no
matter what our situation, we will continue to hold hands and smile in the face
of anything.
This couple gave me so much confidence in myself and in my
marriage, and yet they were total strangers. Had I been on my phone, I would
have missed this gift completely. Anywhere you go, look around. I guarantee you
will see a large number of people giving their phones more attention than the
people they are with. This isn’t some great revelation; it’s who we’ve become
as a society. We have unlimited information at our disposal, and yet when you
get down to it, all of it is garbage compared to what’s right in front of us.
We spend so much time on our smart phones that we’ve become a herd of dumb
people. We retreat to social media but ironically we’ve become anything but
social. It’s actually extremely isolating. If I had my phone out, I guarantee
that I would not have benefited even half as much as I did in talking to that
couple.
This post is not intended to tell you how to live your life, but if I can make one tiny suggestion, for God’s sake, don’t spend it glued to
a screen. Put the phone away and look people in the eye. Have a genuine
interaction. Nothing is more important than the people sitting next to you,
dying to have a moment of your time.
For additional information and breast cancer
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