I poop with the door open. Those closest to me know this to be true both literally (I've had some of my best conversations with siblings while on the shitter) and metaphorically speaking. Its just how I live my life… I'm very open and eager to share; sometimes perhaps too eager.
My cancer has progressed after only a few short months of being NED (no evidence of disease). I feel paralyzed. Stuck. After another liver biopsy and lots of morphine, I am bound up. No, seriously you guys, this is day four of no bowel movement. You do not know distress til you cannot crap.
Like Dr. Oz and so many others, I measure how I'm doing by how I'm pooing. Right now, nothing is moving...there's no other explanation, I must be dying.
Or I'm just constipated, ok fine. But it feels like dying. Have you ever almost passed out from pushing so hard on the pot? This is one of the many things cancer patients probably don't talk about. The struggle is real.
It's such a production, trying to produce a good BM. I've put the heating pad on my abdomen, drank so much coffee, eaten all the apples, been keeping up with stool softeners, have been pacing back and forth across my house, and have now started drinking magnesium sulfate which might as well be called colon blow.
I've even resorted to talking to my turd. We're in the bargaining stage..."you come out of there and I promise from now on I'll stick to an all fiber diet!"
I'm jealous of my infant son whose already managed to soil three diapers within a four hour time span. All that mess with minimal effort...must be nice.
With the holiday season upon us, I can honestly say all I'm hoping for is to get this Yule log outta me. Then and only then will I be ready to move forward with my shitty (heh heh) diagnosis.
