Post Disney...the Magic is Over. Back to Reality.

What can I say… Our trip to Disney truly was, in a word, magical. We had such an amazing time and my favorite parts were watching my son, and watching my husband watch him. The joy on their faces was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Every day, my little man was so full of love and life, giving lots of hugs and kisses and sharing in all of the excitement around him. He did so wonderful!

As for me, I never felt better. I was able to somehow leave cancer behind and feel normal for the first time in a long time. The warmth and sunshine were great on my bones, and getting around was not a concern at all. In fact, it felt awesome to move so much after being sedentary.

Some of my favorite highlights included: The Festival of the Lion King, Finding Nemo the musical, the Festival of Fantasy parade, the Starwars fireworks with dessert and open bar, eating/drinking our way though Epcot with my parents who were able to join us for the day, splashing around the resort, and of course all the food stuffs including the most tasty treat: dole whip!

We made so many memories! And then… It was time to come back to reality. We all brought back an added souvenir and were feeling pretty crummy, but I ended up in the hospital with strep B. A follow up CT scan showed that there continued to be further progression in my liver, and so my treatment was once again switched. I had been on a combination of Afinitor and Aromasin for a little over a week, with excruciating headaches every day. Waking up with these headaches was just awful and my morphine seemed to be the only thing working to keep the pain at bay, but not the most effective at keeping me functional.

Finally, they became too much. I started to have blurred vision/floaters/lights over my left eye. My sister came late Monday morning to help with the little guy while I scrambled to call my palliative care nurse who reached out to oncology. They decided on a stat MRI.

After getting the pain under control, I opted to go to the MRI alone. Note to self for my fellow patients or their caregivers… Never let someone go to an appointment alone. After the scan I was told to sit tight and wait to go over the results with the on-call oncologist; never a good sign considering I usually go home and hear back in a couple days.

Sure enough the news that I've been dreading for so long hit me like a ton of bricks; The cancer has continued to progress is now in my brain. I have six small lesions and enough swelling to cause concern for risk of stroke, so I was admitted to the ER immediately. They've been keeping me comfortable and today I begin brain radiation.

While I still have plenty of hope and I'm confident that this is not the end for me, I am utterly heartbroken. I don't understand how just this past fall I was no evidence of disease and yet now the cancer is running rampant. Will we be able to get it back under control? Will radiation work?

I don't have the answers anymore than the next person. But what I do have is everything worth fighting for. My son and my husband, my family and friends. I love you beyond what I can say in words.

I am grateful for all of the outpourings of love and support. If anyone is trying to find a meaningful way to help or help others in a similar situation, I cannot say enough good about MetaVivor.org. What we need is research, not ribbons, to save our lives. Please consider a donation in which 100% of your gift will go toward research of metastatic breast cancer. While it may not make much of a difference in my lifetime, we can make a lifetime of difference for someone else.

As alway, much love and many thanks!!!